The (In)Tolerant Indian

“Tolerance is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself.”

-    Robert Green Ingersoll

Apologies for the highly clichéd title but you know as Ravi Shastri says, “That’s exactly what the doctor ordered!”

Rising intolerance, intolerance over comments on rising intolerance, intolerance of intolerant people opposing comments on people who feel intolerance is rising…phew! Officially the confusion in India over this ‘intolerance’ issue has reached ‘Nolanesque’ proportions. Someone on Twitter rightly branded this whole situation as ‘Intoleranception’!  Poetically there is a ‘Nolan’ somewhere within ‘Intoleranception’. 

Ok, now I am digressing. Hope you show some tolerance and continue reading….

Is there some iota of truth over this intolerance debate? Are we really intolerant? Or have we always been like this? My personal opinion…yes we always were intolerant and it’s not a trait that we are proud of. But, contrary to what most feel, I can see Indians becoming more and more ‘tolerant’ over the years. Allow me to explain.

Arrive. Protest. Adjourn. Leave. Repeat!

Firstly I would like to begin by offering my condolences to the entire nation on the loss of our former President, an impeccable scientist and more importantly a fine human being - Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam. This most certainly is the end of an era. Among the scores of tributes and anecdotal articles on Dr. Kalam over the last few days, I came across a particular one mentioning his last proposed assignment to IIM Shillong students on ‘Finding innovative solutions to end Parliament disruptions’.

Off late an ‘Operational Parliament’ has become quite comparable to ‘Tolerance on Social Media’ – both on the verge of non-existence! This issue of a non-functioning Parliament has been bothering most of us over the last year and half. Both political parties, the one heading current government as well as the opposition, are culprits equally. The situation has reached such chronic proportions that another Anna Hazare campaign followed by a new political party might soon be on its way. Like many of us, all I have done is expressed my outrage on Twitter. But the aforementioned article got me thinking!

Is there an elixir that can make our honourable Members of Parliament (MP) stay inside the Parliament hall for more than 15 mins, before they hear the magic word ‘adjourned’ and go back to their homes enjoying their paid holidays?  Surely the concept of ‘doing-the-job-you-are-paid-for’ is not rocket science for our MPs to comprehend.

Sloganeering & creating ruckus in the Parliament hall has become like the prayer we used to sing before start of school proceedings – a morning habit! Overweight MPs sprinting to the well of the Parliament hall, at a speed that would even leave Usain Bolt a little overwhelmed, has now become a regular morning exercise. These daily sprints & vocal exercises are making our MPs fitter but it’s the nation that is suffering! Here are my two cents of the things we can try to keep them at work:

BCCI - The Parliament of cricket!

Q: If a group of owls is called ‘Parliament’ (very apt name, isn’t it?), then what do you call a host of issues?

Ans: BCCI

Don’t be surprised by that! BCCI has found itself entangled in countless issues - not for the first time and surely not the last.

When it comes to cricket…we are as passionate as a politician is for his kursi….and as obsessed as the opposition party is for disrupting Parliament sessions even if a Congress MP sneezes. And hence the latest imbroglio that Indian cricket finds itself is all the more frustrating and saddening! The credibility of the game is at stake and this has left all devotees of this religion called ‘Cricket’ with a deep sense of displeasure. All thanks to the appointed priests (read as BCCI). It’s not that Indian cricket hasn’t witnessed a deeper crisis or that it cannot recuperate from this, but just the sheer audacity of the administrators to cover-up the real issues is unnerving.

The real issue is that – we have a sports committee that is dictatorial (and we call ourselves a democracy), headed by the King of ‘conflict of interests’, backed by board full of politicians; just because they have a bright chance of being elected the next beneficiary and have a shot at minting money at the behest of the sport and its fans.

To explain that long sentence, here’s a blow by blow account of what has transpired in last few days…...

It started with the arrest of 3 Rajasthan Royal players accused of spot fixing and betting, at the fag-end of what has been the best IPL till date in terms of cricket. Immediately after, the BCCI Chairman (Please note, not the IPL Commissioner) addresses the media and claims that the ‘rotten eggs’ spoiling the party have been caught and the rest of the egg basket is still fresh and uninfected.

Little did he know that the poultry caretaker (India’s second most famous son-in-law after Robert Vadra and CSK owner - Mr. Meiyappan) is also infected by the same disease. The arrest of Mr. Gurunath Meiyappan had implications of possible termination of the most consistent IPL franchise and more importantly the danger of losing all the investment that India Cements made for past 6 years. Ironically, the head of this India Cements is the poultry farm manager (Mr. Srinivasan) and also cannot leave the caretaker to die as he is his son-in law. 

What do I write about?

It’s been quite a while I haven’t put words to Word (Microsoft word I mean...Ahem). I feel I am facing one of those blogger’s block! Hands are itching to pen thoughts but paucity of interesting topics holds me back. I had even thought of updating my Facebook status message as

“Gosh! I haven’t been writing in a long time!”

Then sanity prevailed as I realized it would encourage my wife updating the same Facebook (FB) status by replacing the word ‘writing’ with ‘shopping ‘ (Believe me both these messages connote the same set of emotions within me and my wife respectively :P). As it is now-a-days, our FB status message gets lost on our wall very easily between a hoard of pictures claiming to either make you laugh or bring you good luck by sharing them. Metaphorically, status messages tend to visibly cling on your wall only as far as Rohit Sharma seems to stick on the pitch these days!  

Nevertheless, let me explore if there is anything interesting happening around us these days….!

Where do I start?

Politics? Mmmmm…ok here we go...

Sadda Haq...Aithe Rakh

Marzi se jeene ki bhi main 

Kya tum sabko main arzi doon 

Matlab ki tum sabka mujhpe 

Mujhse bhi zyada haq hai 

Sadda haq, Aithe Rakh 

Sadda Haq..Aithe Rakh

These are a few lines from the song that is currently topping the charts. The beauty of this song is a rebellious attitude with lyrics to boot - it’s a quintessential Rahman number (need to listen to it more than a few times to start loving it). 

In this current state of dichotomy that our country is going through, this song goes much beyond a mere item on a playlist. The dichotomy exists here because India is doing well in terms of economic & trade activity, meeting GDP growth targets and is touted to be the next super power. On the other hand, there are grave issues like the social disparity, illiteracy and corruption plaguing us bitterly. 

This is how the youth of this nation thinks about our present state and the song portrays our chagrin perfectly. The song also reminds us of our Haq: our rights that we have by virtue of being a taxpayer; by virtue of being part of the mandate that elects the government. By virtue of being the civil society! 

What we least expect – the first thing in the morning newspaper - is to read about millions of our money swindled away right underneath us and all we can do is feel as helpless as a poor semi-celeb judging a reality show alongside Navjot Sidhu. We toil hard, curb on our luxuries and read every article with the words ‘savings’ or ‘investments’ in it - hoping to save money. And where does this money end up? In acquiring a flat in some scheme meant for widows of ex-army men; not for us but for babus who are supposed to be the protectors of our money. What an Adarsh we set! 

Who am I to whine about all this?

Once Upon a Time in Mumbai

“These rains won’t last long!” remarked the senile old man sitting beside me in a BEST bus on a rainy and thundery afternoon. “With all the deforestation and urbanization around, it won’t be long when the rains will desert us” he continued. I glanced outside the window and caught a glimpse of the mountain ranges that seemed to have picked up a few tricks from the Mumbai fashion gals and were sporting a size-zero look these days. I got lost in my thoughts...remembered my Class VI geography....’Mountains cause a reduction in the surface winds carrying rains and hence cause precipitation’. I could visualize the old man smirk and say “Elementary my dear Watson!”

If there are two things that catch the attention of new entrants to this city and leave them dumbfounded it’s the “Pace of the city” and “Mumbai monsoons”. What if the old man’s prophecy comes true?? Well considering the incessant rain we’ve received this season this is far from reality! However, right from the Dinosaurs to honest politicians...there are a lot of things that have become extinct in this country and city. But never thought the famous Mumbai-downpour could end up in someone’s to-be-extinct list. This triggered my mind to think of other things that Mumbai might be soon deprived of.

Here’s what I think will be things-of-the-past for good in Mumbai...

In the 'Fast' Lane

“Main karu to Saala Character Dheela hai……”

Anna-Baba Jugalbandi

It’s a song that is topping the charts not only Radio countdown shows but also in the by lanes of Haridwar where you would find a weak one-eye-winking Baba Ramdev sitting with hands on head and muttering to himself “What’s Anna got that I ain’t got ?” :P. The mid night crackdown at the Ram Lila has certainly grabbed headlines as Baba ventured to pull off an Anna-esque feat against corruption.

It is said that History repeats itself….well then so does ‘Fashion’ and ‘Revolutionary methods of retaliation’. The recent takeover of Libya by their countrymen and Anna Hazare’s attempt to revitalize the Satyagraha technique by means of ‘Fasting’ (effectively tailored to suit the modern democratic age) are a testimony to it. This technique of mauling the opposition into submission (which beats any of the WWE wrestler’s moves hands down) is a part of our blood stream. We have been using this technique to get things done our way from the times when we didn’t even know which is our way: P. We Indians ‘fast’ on every other occasions…..dedicated to one or many of the 330 million God’s we worship….Why??? Just to caution our God’s that we needs things to shape up the way we like it. Small children in our country threaten to skip meals until Dad doesn’t promise him a cycle very soon. I would go to this extent that we Indians have mastered this technique that silently kills the opposition.

A Letter to Mumbai Blast Terrorist

Date: 27th November 2008

Dear Terrorist,

Mumbai lost its sleep on a Wicked Wednesday(26th Nov 2008)..and woke up to an even worse Thursday(27th Nov 2008)... all thanks to you..!!. I know you and your brothers have an emotional attachment with Mumbai and it occupies a very special corner in your heart. Mumbai, a very soft target, witnessed unimaginable terror in wake of the grenade attacks and frenetic firings in and around strategic locations of the city. I must compliment you on your planning and co-ordination to carry out operations so efficiently. Very adeptly you have targeted the high life of Mumbai (Taj & Trident Hotels) and also the common man’s life (Vileparle Blasts & CST Station firings) and made sure that the repercussions of these attacks were felt by entire Mumbai.

I had never witnessed the CST Station bearing such a deserted look...nor had I seen the Taj Hotel in such a panic and terrified state before.

Look at what you have done....

• You have definitely succeeded in instilling fears in the minds of every Indian especially Mumbaikars but to some extent only. You haven’t been able to shake up our spirit (the famous ‘Mumbai Spirit’) and our verve that is an integral part of our personality
• You certainly have rocked financial epicentre of India but also made sure that the stock markets gets a much needed rest it deserved. Even the SENSEX was tired of reaching new depths. Good that you made the investors happy for at least a day.
• People who dared to venture out of their houses had a pleasant surprise waiting for them...! They had an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of watching Mumbai‘s scenic life from the window seat of local trains instead of their daily routine of fighting for the fourth seat or competing with thousands to find leg space inside trains. All credit goes to you....!
• You may have forced the authorities to close down all the schools and colleges but whose complaining...?? The students are certainly not..!
• The current India-England ODI series has been called off as a tribute to your noble acts. The England team will definitely heave a sigh of relief and thank you profusely for helping then avoid an embarrassing whitewash

This is best that you have achieved...and can ever get...!!

Do not be ecstatic about the results you managed to pull off...These were possible only due to some strong reasons which I wish to clarify to you...