The (In)Tolerant Indian

“Tolerance is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself.”

-    Robert Green Ingersoll

Apologies for the highly clichéd title but you know as Ravi Shastri says, “That’s exactly what the doctor ordered!”

Rising intolerance, intolerance over comments on rising intolerance, intolerance of intolerant people opposing comments on people who feel intolerance is rising…phew! Officially the confusion in India over this ‘intolerance’ issue has reached ‘Nolanesque’ proportions. Someone on Twitter rightly branded this whole situation as ‘Intoleranception’!  Poetically there is a ‘Nolan’ somewhere within ‘Intoleranception’. 

Ok, now I am digressing. Hope you show some tolerance and continue reading….

Is there some iota of truth over this intolerance debate? Are we really intolerant? Or have we always been like this? My personal opinion…yes we always were intolerant and it’s not a trait that we are proud of. But, contrary to what most feel, I can see Indians becoming more and more ‘tolerant’ over the years. Allow me to explain.

Arrive. Protest. Adjourn. Leave. Repeat!

Firstly I would like to begin by offering my condolences to the entire nation on the loss of our former President, an impeccable scientist and more importantly a fine human being - Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam. This most certainly is the end of an era. Among the scores of tributes and anecdotal articles on Dr. Kalam over the last few days, I came across a particular one mentioning his last proposed assignment to IIM Shillong students on ‘Finding innovative solutions to end Parliament disruptions’.

Off late an ‘Operational Parliament’ has become quite comparable to ‘Tolerance on Social Media’ – both on the verge of non-existence! This issue of a non-functioning Parliament has been bothering most of us over the last year and half. Both political parties, the one heading current government as well as the opposition, are culprits equally. The situation has reached such chronic proportions that another Anna Hazare campaign followed by a new political party might soon be on its way. Like many of us, all I have done is expressed my outrage on Twitter. But the aforementioned article got me thinking!

Is there an elixir that can make our honourable Members of Parliament (MP) stay inside the Parliament hall for more than 15 mins, before they hear the magic word ‘adjourned’ and go back to their homes enjoying their paid holidays?  Surely the concept of ‘doing-the-job-you-are-paid-for’ is not rocket science for our MPs to comprehend.

Sloganeering & creating ruckus in the Parliament hall has become like the prayer we used to sing before start of school proceedings – a morning habit! Overweight MPs sprinting to the well of the Parliament hall, at a speed that would even leave Usain Bolt a little overwhelmed, has now become a regular morning exercise. These daily sprints & vocal exercises are making our MPs fitter but it’s the nation that is suffering! Here are my two cents of the things we can try to keep them at work:

BCCI - The Parliament of cricket!

Q: If a group of owls is called ‘Parliament’ (very apt name, isn’t it?), then what do you call a host of issues?

Ans: BCCI

Don’t be surprised by that! BCCI has found itself entangled in countless issues - not for the first time and surely not the last.

When it comes to cricket…we are as passionate as a politician is for his kursi….and as obsessed as the opposition party is for disrupting Parliament sessions even if a Congress MP sneezes. And hence the latest imbroglio that Indian cricket finds itself is all the more frustrating and saddening! The credibility of the game is at stake and this has left all devotees of this religion called ‘Cricket’ with a deep sense of displeasure. All thanks to the appointed priests (read as BCCI). It’s not that Indian cricket hasn’t witnessed a deeper crisis or that it cannot recuperate from this, but just the sheer audacity of the administrators to cover-up the real issues is unnerving.

The real issue is that – we have a sports committee that is dictatorial (and we call ourselves a democracy), headed by the King of ‘conflict of interests’, backed by board full of politicians; just because they have a bright chance of being elected the next beneficiary and have a shot at minting money at the behest of the sport and its fans.

To explain that long sentence, here’s a blow by blow account of what has transpired in last few days…...

It started with the arrest of 3 Rajasthan Royal players accused of spot fixing and betting, at the fag-end of what has been the best IPL till date in terms of cricket. Immediately after, the BCCI Chairman (Please note, not the IPL Commissioner) addresses the media and claims that the ‘rotten eggs’ spoiling the party have been caught and the rest of the egg basket is still fresh and uninfected.

Little did he know that the poultry caretaker (India’s second most famous son-in-law after Robert Vadra and CSK owner - Mr. Meiyappan) is also infected by the same disease. The arrest of Mr. Gurunath Meiyappan had implications of possible termination of the most consistent IPL franchise and more importantly the danger of losing all the investment that India Cements made for past 6 years. Ironically, the head of this India Cements is the poultry farm manager (Mr. Srinivasan) and also cannot leave the caretaker to die as he is his son-in law. 

What do I write about?

It’s been quite a while I haven’t put words to Word (Microsoft word I mean...Ahem). I feel I am facing one of those blogger’s block! Hands are itching to pen thoughts but paucity of interesting topics holds me back. I had even thought of updating my Facebook status message as

“Gosh! I haven’t been writing in a long time!”

Then sanity prevailed as I realized it would encourage my wife updating the same Facebook (FB) status by replacing the word ‘writing’ with ‘shopping ‘ (Believe me both these messages connote the same set of emotions within me and my wife respectively :P). As it is now-a-days, our FB status message gets lost on our wall very easily between a hoard of pictures claiming to either make you laugh or bring you good luck by sharing them. Metaphorically, status messages tend to visibly cling on your wall only as far as Rohit Sharma seems to stick on the pitch these days!  

Nevertheless, let me explore if there is anything interesting happening around us these days….!

Where do I start?

Politics? Mmmmm…ok here we go...

Alumni Meet blues

I managed to hit the ground running (quite literally) as I pounced at Andheri station well before the train screeched to a halt (in exemplary Mumbai fashion).

Destination: My first ever Alumni meet after post graduation ;)

I have witnessed alumni meets during my college and always had a hidden fear of speaking up on these occasions and sharing experiences. I have seen people doing wonderfully well in such impromptu pep-talk and I was fully aware & confident that I would fail miserably in case such a opportunity beckons me ;) I would rather be enclosed in Big Boss’s house along with Dolly Bindra and Pooja Missra than a few minutes of gyan-sharing with my fellow alumni’s. At least I have a chance of surviving the former.  Nevertheless, here I am waiting for my friend to pick me up when I began to think of my college days; which was incidentally my first foray into the perils and luxuries of a hostel life…..

I remember the first day, accompanied by my parents, being absolutely zapped at the infrastructure set up of my alma mater. I completed all the government-office-like formalities and set along to see my room. My to-be roommates and their parents were already present there scrutinizing every nook and corner of the room as if to find some leads to a murder that had just taken place in the room……and the moment I entered the room…they stared at me initially and then smiled gently as if to say that they have found the one responsible for the aforesaid murder ;).

In the 'Fast' Lane

“Main karu to Saala Character Dheela hai……”

Anna-Baba Jugalbandi

It’s a song that is topping the charts not only Radio countdown shows but also in the by lanes of Haridwar where you would find a weak one-eye-winking Baba Ramdev sitting with hands on head and muttering to himself “What’s Anna got that I ain’t got ?” :P. The mid night crackdown at the Ram Lila has certainly grabbed headlines as Baba ventured to pull off an Anna-esque feat against corruption.

It is said that History repeats itself….well then so does ‘Fashion’ and ‘Revolutionary methods of retaliation’. The recent takeover of Libya by their countrymen and Anna Hazare’s attempt to revitalize the Satyagraha technique by means of ‘Fasting’ (effectively tailored to suit the modern democratic age) are a testimony to it. This technique of mauling the opposition into submission (which beats any of the WWE wrestler’s moves hands down) is a part of our blood stream. We have been using this technique to get things done our way from the times when we didn’t even know which is our way: P. We Indians ‘fast’ on every other occasions…..dedicated to one or many of the 330 million God’s we worship….Why??? Just to caution our God’s that we needs things to shape up the way we like it. Small children in our country threaten to skip meals until Dad doesn’t promise him a cycle very soon. I would go to this extent that we Indians have mastered this technique that silently kills the opposition.

Dreamz unlimited!!!

How desperate can an entire nation get to see one man’s dream fulfilled? How often does it happen that more than a billion people have the same ‘dream’ as one man? (A concept that even beats Christopher Nolan’s novel idea of Inception;)) Welcome World Cup 2011.

A “What’s-on-your-mind” survey reveals that the top most thing that Indian public desperately want at this hour is ‘Sachin’s cabinet to be complete with the prized WC2011 silverware’. ‘Good hike in salary this year’ came a close second in this survey followed by ‘Relief form 24x7 incessant news channels’.

Too much is talked about the Cricket World Cup (nothing new about that)....right from News print coverage to surrogate ad controversies to innumerable discussion forums across the news channels. I just hope people don’t get bored by all this before the real thing starts! But one thing that differs this time from the past World Cup is that everyone is talking of winning the cup for Sachin’s sake and not for our nation…A bit unfair I would say...but who’s complaining…that man deserves it all!! Even the ‘critics of Sachin’ (If at all any such Homo sapiens have descended on earth) will pray that this last jibe at the trophy by the Master Blaster should yield the desired result.

It’s not just the so called common man that is upbeat about this whole affair, even politicians and famous personalities have joined this campaign of “Cup for Sachin”....

It’s an animal world out there..!

The Indian media constantly seems to be on the lookout for a scapegoat or a controversy to fill in their 24 x 7 news slot or they need a never-to-be-seen news piece to capture TRPs’. The FIFA world cup just gave what they needed. No! I am not talking about Spain’s maiden world cup win...but it’s Paul – the one who predicted their victory, which had caught the media’s attention. Paul the Octopus achieved demi-god like status and also managed to create a few foes...quite a feat in itself..! Though he had some competition from his Asian counterpart Mani the parrot...it was Paul that was smiling all the way and capturing more print and news space in India than even Saina Nehwal – the first Indian to win three international competitions in a row. It was unbelievable to see Paul-the-prophet get entire page coverage in a reputed and highly circulated newspaper whereas the grave situation in J&K gets a bare 500 word article.

Nevertheless the Oracle Octopus....has attained celebrity status...I guess at a level comparable to Laika – the first dog to visit space. For Paul it all started with predicting results for Germany and his services were later utilized for non-Germany matches also. This cephalopod mollusc has achieved the distinction of being probably the first animal to receive a death threat. Had it been in India I am sure you would have 2 constables standing outside the aquarium and the commissioner making a personal visit to ensure the octopus is safe :-) He also stunned the world by retiring from his astrology profession at his peak.

Well maybe then it’s time for Paul to think beyond predicting football matches..!

Maybe Paul should come and try out his luck in India.....sounds like a money-spinning idea to me...worth trying I believe. Well this is what I feel would be the top 5 assignment Paul would end up with if imported to our very own India.......

Encounters with the PSU Kind...!!

There are two types of people in this world....One - the government officials a.k.a. public servants, fondly called ‘babus’ and second - the people who have to deal with the first kind :-). I, unfortunately like most of you come in the second category

I had the privilege of working in a government office and having a feel of it from close quarters this summer. Yes...my first experience of a Public Sector Unit (PSU) as part of my MBA summers and it really turned out to be something more than just a learning curve....!

Some of the points that struck me about this whole affair are....

• Their Obsession - Stacks of files on every table...wrapped in green or red strips and tied with white thread...and each one seem to be a clone of the other. That is what you will see first as soon as you land here. These files seems omnipresent….on desks, chairs, at the reception and at every nook and corner of the office (thank goodness the lifts and restrooms were spared :-)). So obsessed are these people with files that they even bring books to your table wrapped in these.