Saturday, June 25, 2011

In the 'Fast' Lane

“Main karu to Saala Character Dheela hai……”

Anna-Baba Jugalbandi
It’s a song that is topping the charts not only Radio countdown shows but also in the by lanes of Haridwar where you would find a weak one-eye-winking Baba Ramdev sitting with hands on head and muttering to himself “What’s Anna got that I ain’t got ?” :P. The mid night crackdown at the Ram Lila has certainly grabbed headlines as Baba ventured to pull off an Anna-esque feat against corruption.

It is said that History repeats itself….well then so does ‘Fashion’ and ‘Revolutionary methods of retaliation’. The recent takeover of Libya by their countrymen and Anna Hazare’s attempt to revitalize the Satyagraha technique by means of ‘Fasting’ (effectively tailored to suit the modern democratic age) are a testimony to it. This technique of mauling the opposition into submission (which beats any of the WWE wrestler’s moves hands down) is a part of our blood stream. We have been using this technique to get things done our way from the times when we didn’t even know which is our way: P. We Indians ‘fast’ on every other occasions…..dedicated to one or many of the 330 million God’s we worship….Why??? Just to caution our God’s that we needs things to shape up the way we like it. Small children in our country threaten to skip meals until Dad doesn’t promise him a cycle very soon. I would go to this extent that we Indians have mastered this technique that silently kills the opposition.

‘Fasting’ seems to be in fashion these days and it is spreading far and fast. Anna and Baba have inspired an entire generation to fight for their rights with the help of this potent weapon. The day won’t be far when news papers will be flooded with news of ‘fasting’ for all sorts of crazy reasons….Here are some news headlines that we may see (or we may want to see) capturing eyeballs in days to come…....

Poonam Pandey claims to have written letters to the Maharashtra government to give her permission to strip (which she had claimed if India won the WC 2011). She is planning to go on a 15 day fast if not allowed to do so. Her argument is that she can’t wait for another 28 years for India to bring the cup back. Valid I must say...Because no one will be interested in watching 28 years here on!

Renuka Shahane is also reportedly going on a fast. Although it is not clear whether she is doing it for a social cause or preparing herself for the next edition of “Jhalak Dikhla Jaa” ;) 

Even people outside India may soon realize the potential of driving through the “Fast” lane.…

Shahid Afridi is claiming to go on a fast until death against the Pakistan Cricket Board and demands that the anarchic PCB committee must be re constituted and he be appointed the captain of the Board of Selectors (I pity the poor chap as he doesn’t even know that you have a Chairman of selectors and not a captain..Tch….Tch). This has drawn a lot of interest among the Pak bookies (Poor fellas...they have nothing else to do as Pak is hardly playing). They say the odds of Afridi sustaining the fast till the 2nd day is 2/11. They are expecting another retracting statement from him that the fast was for religious purpose and nothing to do with the PCB. Media is expecting a higher TRP rating for Afridi this time as compared to his post World Cup statements against India. 

Liz Hurley seems to have had a wonderful time here in India with ‘Casanova’ Warne and this India visit certainly seems to have rubbed on a bit longer for her. She believes Cupid is a good family friend of the Warne’s …… (Considering Shane’s love-antics from the past ...she’s hit the nail on the head I must say) and is contemplating to go on a weeklong fast to bring Shane’s attention to this fact. (Pretty high hopes I must say: P) Friends close to Liz say that this thought came to her mind after a Oz survey revealed that Warne is the least trusted Australian. There is only one thing for which you can trust Warne blindfolded….’His bowling’ :P 

How long can you keep Veena Malik from the limelight? Not for long I guess …She has finally signed a B-grade film after months of struggle to get into Hindi Films. Sources now say that she is brooding over a day long fast in front of the Bollywood Producer’s Associations bring to their notice the widening disparity between her acting prowess and the lack of films offered to her.  

Meanwhile a certain Kasab in Tihar jail is demanding Indian citizenship. His lawyers say that the case is quite strong and is based on the fact that Indian courts take a long time to reach to a decision (based on past data). Hence Kasab will have to be in India for such long time than he will satisfy the eligibility criteria till then. 

Last but not the least we may hear Baba Ramdev go on a 1 day strike protesting against the government’s midnight excursion at Ram Lila maidan. You shouldn’t be asking the reason for this fast..….

If Anna did it then Baba has to..!

“Tu Jahan Jahan rahega mera saaya saath hoga!!” :P


  1. The label should have been 'Dark humour' or 'Satire'.
    I feel Anna was just lucky managing to get the media (and the social networking circle) behind him. Poor Baba wasn't ;)

  2. Very nicely the satire...though i personally prefer to have a conclusion to the piece.. something which rounds up the whole article..but thats just my view...